I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
