Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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