Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
