I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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