just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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