I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
