Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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