john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
