I am puke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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