if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
