no, he came in my armpit
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
