I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
