i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
