I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
