wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
