real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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