apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
