Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
