I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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