i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of course I have a pirate flag
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
