Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
