i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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