does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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