here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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