Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
