why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
