ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
