every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
