My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
