So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
