So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize