I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
