im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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