You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
