If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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