Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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