Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
