I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
