I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
