R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
