:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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