This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
