She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
