One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
