Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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