Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
