well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
