I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
