I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
