I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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