you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
