i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are we still banned from the library?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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