I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
