1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
