So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
